Impermanence is On Our Side
Ria Nabatar
(she/her)
My name’s Ria, I’m a Filipino immigrant, 23 years old and based in naarm. The past 3 years in my life have been a wildly transformative era which in short, have provoked deeper curiosity, intimacy and creativity. Amongst it all, I have turned to writing to reflect upon inner musings, one of which I share to you today, in hopes to support human connection and maybe even provoke a deeper admiration for your life.
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Whenever I ponder on the notion of impermanence, death naturally comes to mind. The inevitability of death never intimidated me as a child because I like to consider I gained a firm grip on acceptance for this stage rather early in my timeline. Between the ripe ages of six and seven, both my maternal grandparents, who I grew up closely with, passed away within a year due to detrimental health conditions. This early memory surrounding death remains particularly vivid in both my conscious mind and ancient heart because I believe revealing acceptance for the life and death cycle has the potential of being one of the most profound realisations anyone could unfold in their lifetime.
I recall seeing my mother mourn through my younger self’s eyes and observed how her tears that surfaced looked as if they didn’t just occur to display her transparent grief, but in that they were rooted from the deeper parts of herself, the parts I was once completely naïve about. The parts that reside in her unconscious, a place unseen but incredibly powerful within the human body. Her deep-seated grief was connected to the transformational experience of losing something she has always known to have since birth. And in this present moment of potent emotional surges, she was strongly urged by the universe to part from her earthly relationship with her parents, leaving her heart to break in two. Soon after we said our final goodbye and laid my Lolo and Lola to rest under earth, a bizarre contrast of emotions transpired within the grieving landscape. I observed my mother, along with her five sisters, joined together in a seated circle and unexpectedly released wild bursts of laughter in unison that echoed throughout the empty hills of the cemetery, as they reminisced on lived memories they shared with their parents. At the time, I watched in awe, perplexed at the occurrence. Now, I remain in awe but this time with reverence for how they flowed with the true cycle of impermanence. I speak about this because it felt fitting to mark it as the earliest experience where I developed a remarkable curiosity for this psychedelic experience called Life.
Since I was very young, I’ve enjoyed being in my own company. My solitude provides a granted space where my fervent emotions and vast thoughts can effortlessly roam free but simultaneously, I had fears it would engulf me. A curious observer from afar, I finally incorporated meditation as a daily practice a few years ago. Its mindful methods efficiently supported my introspective intentions with a heart-centred awareness that brought more clarity and compassion to my day. The topic of impermanence is also a huge aspect when approaching the spiritual realm in which meditation derives from. I once heard my meditation teacher say that if you meditate on death, you understand life. Initially, I couldn’t fully comprehend this sentiment. Not until several months after, with relentless hours of contemplation and a handful of life experiences in tow did this personally ring true.
A lightbulb moment.
My teacher’s advice moved me to deeply recognise that we, as sentient beings, are products of impermanence. It bleeds strongly in our essence as humans. It made me realise that every day, we are simply not the same but in fact, we are always changing. Our emotions, ideas, values, circumstances are in a constant flux. They move like tidal waves; one moment they are unruly, the next in steady flow. This acknowledges our undeniable part of a cycle; we motion with the ever-shifting state of the world’s cycle. It’s everywhere we look, whether we turn our gaze upwards to the fluctuation of the moon or look down on earth to the turning of the trees. It inspires us to live with the seasons and submerge ourselves in each element’s insightful wisdom as they arrive, so that we may reach closer in accepting and embodying our true essence of living. This room for accepting change allows for the untethering of old binds; shedding layers of our past that no longer speak truly to us so that we can awaken new parts of our purpose as we travel further along on our life journey.
The brilliance of impermanence also offers us the ability to heal. While many believe it is the cause of all heartbreaks, including my big dweller tendencies, its flowing nature further proves its significance by existing on both ends of the spectrum. The adversities we endure, as we all do, can massively impact who we shape to become in our lifetime. If we embody the courage to face vulnerability and let hardships such as grief flow, nature does not conspire to leave us hanging for long. Facing the root of our pain has the healing force to tend to the ache with great awe and restore the trust for the process. And as the process exudes the mysterious nature of the unknown, it cannot constantly rely on the logical mind for it thrives on control. A solution. Let’s begin looking to lead with the intelligence of the heart whose ancient wisdom encourages to soften our edges so that we can feel the full experience that we are all truly capable and deserving of.
An ineffable experience where we begin taking magnificent risks, to splendour with beauty, to cultivate the deep trust in our innate ability to embody and express the ever-changing versions of ourselves and most of all, be willing to let go when death is near knowing we have fully given ourselves. This is the ultimate surrender. The pure embodiment of impermanence.
The first dive into the heart’s centre may be the most intimidating but a crucial one in which will strengthen our vision in realising that once you see the sacred cycle of birth and death, it is granted you will also see the sacred nature of living.